New York to Taos!

Very Important Things for a girl coming from New York City to Taos to know. They just might save your life.

#1 For Pedestrians- Remember the opening of Sex in the City 2? When the woman crosses the street and bangs on the hood of the cab when it almost runs her over in the cross walk and says “FUCK YOU”?

Bad idea in Taos.

First of all, there are no cabs in Taos. Let me repeat THERE ARE NO CABS in Taos. Apparently someone tried to start a cab company a few years ago but no one was interested. Driving drunk is too much fun!!! Secondly, pounding on the hood of a vehicle which almost kills you in the crosswalk could seal the deal in Taos: carrying unregistered firearms is legal. Gesturing with your middle finger, swearing or general protestations will NOT gain you respect.

#2 If you want to wait tables in Taos here are some tips: Do not pay attention to the customer, above all DO NOT SMILE. Being friendly, courteous and prompt would only get you TIPS and who’s interested in money? If your table needs cutlery or water, let them fend for themselves. What do you think the waiter’s station was invented for? It’s all about the “I don’t give a @#$%!” attitude when waiting tables in Taos.

#3For Drivers: More on cross walks. DON’T SLOW DOWN when approaching a pedestrian in a crosswalk. What, are you crazy? Motorists have to let pedestrians know who’s boss in this town. You MUST maintain speed until you reach the white line of the crosswalk, scaring the bejesus out of the pedestrian, then slow down just a touch and give the ‘wave.’ The wave is an arrogant, halfhearted wave of the hand that turns the tables and establishes that it is YOU the motorist who is letting the poor schmuck cross the road without getting killed, and don’t let them forget it! Once through the cross walk, speed up as quickly as possible to avoid the scorn of the ungrateful pedestrian.

#4 Bicyclists. If you see a cyclist, just hit them, especially if they aren’t wearing a helmet. What do they think they are? A motorcyclist? Please.

#5When someone mentions ‘really good grass’ in Taos they are not talking about heading out to Sheep’s Meadow.

#6.Christmas. Christmas in Taos is not just a holiday.